Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Navel-Gazing: Taking on Mindfulness

Alex Ross. Of course.
Today is Ash Wednesday. For those of us who follow the Christian tradition, it is the beginning of Lent, or 40 days before Easter. Many people give up bad habits. Others take good habits on. It's like a spiritually sanctioned resolution reboot--which is really always seasonless when you think about it.

Stick with me, nonreligious/differently traditioned people; I'm going somewhere with this.

For 40 days, I'm going to make an effort to be more mindful.

I have a hectic life (who doesn't?), and I have noticed a tendency to be reactionary in many ways. I spout off whatever comes into my head (often laced with profanity). I let my body language and involuntary huffing speak before I formulate responses. I take on too much, then get angry when I'm given more. I eat or drink to soothe myself.

This season I would like to stop, consider, think ... then act.

Step one is to go back to a food journal. The intent is not to lose weight (although, like the running, I'm hoping that's a byproduct), but to consider the why before the bite. Already today has been a total FAIL in terms of my food budget. I ate a third brownie at a meeting in reaction to several people asking me to do things and be in several places at once (instead of, like, saying no or asking people to take a note or another solution that may have actually done something). It did, however, make me stop before indulging at a going-away party; I was full, so I didn't go near the food and decided to chat to people instead.*

So, yeah, mindfulness.

What I'm afraid of is obsessing (which is why I stopped tracking a while back). I want my brain to default to enough, pause, consider rather than REACT, YOU ....!!! I don't want this to be about being thin. I want this to be about being whole.

Gentleness in the journey, especially with myself.

* It may also have been prompted by receiving the proofs to my last race. It's not about the weight; HOWEVER, I looked super-bulgy and bull-necked. It has depressed me more than I expected.