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| Alex Ross. Of course. |
Stick with me, nonreligious/differently traditioned people; I'm going somewhere with this.
For 40 days, I'm going to make an effort to be more mindful.
I have a hectic life (who doesn't?), and I have noticed a tendency to be reactionary in many ways. I spout off whatever comes into my head (often laced with profanity). I let my body language and involuntary huffing speak before I formulate responses. I take on too much, then get angry when I'm given more. I eat or drink to soothe myself.
This season I would like to stop, consider, think ... then act.
Step one is to go back to a food journal. The intent is not to lose weight (although, like the running, I'm hoping that's a byproduct), but to consider the why before the bite. Already today has been a total FAIL in terms of my food budget. I ate a third brownie at a meeting in reaction to several people asking me to do things and be in several places at once (instead of, like, saying no or asking people to take a note or another solution that may have actually done something). It did, however, make me stop before indulging at a going-away party; I was full, so I didn't go near the food and decided to chat to people instead.*
So, yeah, mindfulness.
What I'm afraid of is obsessing (which is why I stopped tracking a while back). I want my brain to default to enough, pause, consider rather than REACT, YOU ....!!! I don't want this to be about being thin. I want this to be about being whole.
Gentleness in the journey, especially with myself.
* It may also have been prompted by receiving the proofs to my last race. It's not about the weight; HOWEVER, I looked super-bulgy and bull-necked. It has depressed me more than I expected.
