Sunday, September 8, 2013

Fighting Dragons

I'm not sure today was the best day for my long run. This has been a rough week all around--rough at work, rough at home. My mood is erratic. Sleep is sporadic. I've self-medicated through eating.

I've had to switch around my running schedule a bit. This week was supposed to be a recovery week in terms of mileage. But due to balancing my work schedule and Mister's Navy Reserve schedule, I elected to do my short run on Saturday, long run today (my day off), then short runs through the end of the week.

Saturday, I started out at my sustainable pace and kept it going for a good mile and a half. However, I had moments where I stretched my stride and went a little faster thanks to a creepy guy at one point of my route, sprinklers (aka Hissing Watersprays of Death in Luna-dog World) at another, and just wanting to see if I could right before my cool down. It felt ... good. I was able to speed up and yet return to the slow, sustainable pace (which was not walking). It makes me think that I need to start pushing a little harder, maybe try adding in some fartlek.

Heh heh heh ... fartlek.

Today's run was a lot of walking to be honest. The first three miles was pretty steady, but I was yelling at myself internally the entire time. The second three miles, my brain wandered all over (mostly running costumes), but I wasn't able to keep up the running for very long. The last mile (nearly two by my final calculations) was pure pushing forward will. All told, 7.72 miles in just short of two hours in 80+ degree weather.

Self-doubt is really battering me in terms of this upcoming race. No matter how I do the math, it's going to be a close call in finishing within the time-frame. I'm trying to push through this doubt, but it's a constant companion. Today's run helped though.

I know part of my mood is letting myself be battered by circumstances. Part of it is hormones. Part of it is lack of sleep. Part of it is poor eating. But all those parts together seem to be a  pretty formidable dragon right now. Just gotta keep fighting.