Race Report: Great Pumpkin 5K Run OR N00b No Longer

Long pants were removed
before the actual race.

I was surprised how well I slept last night--only awakened about midnight when Miss and Luna-pup joined us in the bed.

As I was getting into costume, I was wondering whether to hang my bib from my shirt or my skort. Mister suggested the area that needed the most camouflaging (without being specific, dear boy). I decided the shirt, and shrugged, "Oh well, I am Chunky Wonder Woman after all."

"Oh, Momma," Miss cooed, "you're not chunky."

"Thank you, sweetheart!"

"Yeah, you're just a little fat."

Thanks, kid.


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Arrived about 40 minutes before start time. Walked around the perimeter to warm up. Had to layer a pair of  long pants because it was SO DAMN COLD* My hairdresser, Lisa, popped in and out for some quick "official" pre-race pics.** Then the line up began.

It's about this time my brain reminded me how unfond I am of crowds. I told my brain to shut up. Lots of officials from our sponsors talk. My brain reminded me how much I hate speeches and would like to get on with this thing. I told my brain to be polite.

And then the starting gun went off.

I had positioned myself toward the middle, and it took a while to pass the starting line. I had already started Runkeeper, but I know the chip would register the actual crossing.

Away I went. My usual good beginning pace fueled by the people around me. Had to bob and weave a little to keep moving forward. Then the gas began to leave. I tried to keep up the run-walk pattern before settling into mostly walk. I ended up trying to keep pace with some Teletubbies.

The course was two lanes on one road. About a quarter of the way through, I saw people coming the other way. At first it was exciting to see the first finishers; but as I began to see some of the people who were around me at the start, my brain started squawking at me again: You're going to come in last. Shut up, brain, I replied.

The turn-around seemed forever away. To add to it, there was an unexpected dip and rise. But halfway done.

Heading back, I saw the participants from the walk. Of course, my brain used this as evidence that I was in last. I kept telling my brain to shut up, but my protestations were getting weaker and weaker.

Then I saw a little girl dressed as Supergirl. "Look, Mom! There's Wonder Woman!" I smiled and waved and picked up my pace. I saw another walker dressed as Wonder Woman. I smiled and waved and picked up my pace. I saw photographers. I smiled and waved and picked up my pace.

And then I thought, so what if I come in last? I've done something I've never done before. Plus this isn't my last race. This is the base line. Look at the skyline. Look at the clouds. Relax and enjoy the run.

My brain pointed out that the cones dividing the road into two lanes had been removed. I was just that slow. I told my brain to shut up and tried to keep pace with the pirate lass and the whoopie cushion.

One last hill before the finish line. I ended up walking it. Then I saw my family ... and the finish line. One last chance to pick up the pace.

So, yes, I began and finished an official 5K race.

I barely remembered to turn off my Runkeeper--time: 0:43:10. PR in elevations.

N00b no more.

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I'll post "official" pictures, my chip time, and your race signs at a later date. Thank you, everyone, for your continued support in this project.

* For us, 50 degrees is cold.
** She arrived just as Mister was hitting a porta-potty and left before he came back. I'm pretty sure if it weren't for my occasionally shorter hair and credit card bill, he would think that I made her up.

Race Week: Packet Pick Up

Fall decided to arrive today. As I was standing in a very long line for early voting, huddling against the wind, I began to worry about the weather tomorrow. I'm going to try to do the race in the tank top, but I will definitely layer before and after. Hopefully the cold(er) will get me moving faster.

After "carbo-loading" at a nearby Olive Garden,* we drove to pick up my race packet. Got my t-shirt and a few goodies (what's with the coupons for rice and donuts?). Most importantly, I got my number** and race instructions.

Not much left to do before tomorrow. My costume is washed and ready to go. I have parking cash and sort of know where to go. All that's really left to do is to relax and get some rest.

*hysterical laughter* I know, right?

Don't forget to send me your race sign pictures!

*Yes, I am aware of how many things are wrong with that phrase.
** Do not taunt Happy Fun Disposable Race Chip.

Race Week: Today's Run OR Dress Rehearsal

I woke up naturally around 5AM to the sound of the dogs moving around. I was so excited to try the costume out on my last run before the race that I got going pretty quickly.

The tank fits a lot like a bathing suit--close, but not too tight. I'm a little bulgy in the center. My sports bra does show, but there's nothing to be done for that (and really it's no big deal). There is a detachable cape that I'm not using for now.

The skort is wonderful! The attached shorts do ride up a little, as will happen, but the length is perfect for modesty while still allowing movement. There are pockets on both sides, which is a huge selling point; I do wish they were a little deeper, as my phone barely fits, but it's not a deal-breaker.

I didn't wear the tiara or braces. I probably should have, but it felt too weird for a neighborhood run. Not that anyone really noticed, although I did run into the elderly couple that walk about the same time as I was out. I am a big believer in the power of hiding in plain sight.

As for the run itself, I'm a little disappointed in my time. Even at only 75 degrees, humidity was 87%! It's like the weather was saying goodbye to my training phase as well.* The temperature is supposed to take a huge dip this weekend. Hopefully colder weather plus adrenaline will push me.

Have you finished your race sign yet?

* Totally not necessary, but thanks for thinking of me, Weather!

Race Week: Great Hera! It's Here!

It's here! It's really here! If I was excited about this project before, I am twice as excited--and scared--now. This isn't just an idea. This isn't just a whim. This is the Real Deal. This is happening!*

The costume fits well and is comfortable at first blush. I won't lie--I am definitely Chunky Wonder Woman. There's not enough compression fabric in the world to make me less muffin-y. But back to the SFT** rules one and two: ditch self-consciousness and embrace Lycra. Oh, and another one of her rules: above all, have fun!

I will give it a test run tomorrow. I wonder what the neighbors will think. Good thing I tend to run while it's still dark.

In the meantime, I had a lovely walk this morning with Luna-pup, but that really deserves its own post. Probably next week, after my first race kerfluffle is over.

Remember to do your part in this silly adventure by sending me your signs!

* I think I just threw up a little.
** Slow Fat Triathlete for those of you playing at home.

Race Week: Today's Run OR Just for the Zen of It

To answer my own question of headphones-or-no, today I turned off the music, turned off the talking heads, even turned off the training, and just went for a run.

It was not bad at all; not great time, but  could be worse after two days of forced rest (not to mention intestinal issues). I kept up a decent pace (although I'm still frustrated with how I wane a bit at mile 2; something to work on next month). The sky was lovely. Lots of bird song. Passed a pair of high school sweethearts practically surrounded with heart bubbles.

There was something to be said about not fiddling with apps and just concentrating on breath and movement. I think I'm definitely going to work a run like this into the rotation.

It's weird, but I've been in the process of saying good-bye to the Old Me. Not that I'm the peak of perfection. Not that I even really regret not starting sooner. Not that I'm really sad. I just know something has changed--I am a runner now. I run races now. No going back.

Wondering Woman

artwork by Hanie Mohd

My costume is on its way. I have the tracking number and everything.

I had no idea how much the symbolism of Wonder Woman has come to mean to me lately. I had a magnet here and a necklace there. But lately I've been wanting to surround myself with the iconography all the time.* She has become a talisman of sorts--that I can be both geeky and athletic.** That participation is more important that perfection. That finishing is more important than winning.

I am a Type-A personality, so these lessons are hard won. It's often what has kept me from participating in physical activity at all. However, now that I've shifted my focus from getting skinny to getting strong, I've found it easier to be consistent.

artwork by Lucy Knisley

The costume started out as a security blanket. If I was going to make a fool of myself--which I won't--at least I've had the first laugh by dressing silly. But throughout this process, I've realized that I have every right to train, to participate in races, and to see myself as a runner; likewise, I have every right to cosplay and to see myself as a superhero. I don't have to be young and skinny; I just have to be bold. I have the right to be Wonder Woman.

The first two rules the Slow Fat Triathlete** gives is to toss away self-consciousness and embrace Lycra. You do it your way, I'll do it mine.

* My Etsy Favorites and Pinterest boards are a mess with her.
** I still struggle to call myself that.
*** I talk about her a lot, don't I?

Race Week: Today's Not Run OR Anxiety Rising

Today should have been my distance run, but my body had other ideas. My digestive system has been wreaking havoc since about 2AM last night. The 'rents were in town this weekend, so I managed to hold things together for the most part for much of the day. But I'm feeling myself waning rapidly. I'm hoping getting some rest will be enough to get me back on track in time for Saturday.

Bonus: I lost another pound. Running to the bathroom will do that.

I'm also having some costume anxiety. According to the seamstress, it is being mailed out tomorrow morning. If there are no more bumps, that means I should have it in time for a practice run. I do have a back-up plan if it doesn't arrive in time, but this blog is called Chunky Wonder Woman, not Chunky Reminiscent of Wonder Woman.

I know finishing is what matters, and that's what going to happen in the end. Still, work with me, Universe!