Giveaway: We Are All Wonder Women Print

Do you ever wish you took your own advice?

Be patient. These things take time. There's a good chance of a set back if you push too hard. These are the things I would tell someone in my situation. These are the things I am trying to tell myself, and I'm not a very good listener.

Lots more ups and downs in my recovery. One minute I'm driving/back at work/moving at close to my former pace. The next minute I'm bent in half and eyes glassy with pain.While I'm trying to work out my energy levels, my FMLA paperwork, and if I can simply be upright for a certain amount of time, part of my brain is pointing out what I would be telling someone else in the same situation--WILL YOU PLEASE JUST STOP?!

The message I've gotten from loving friends again and again is: We know that you are Wonder Woman. You have nothing to prove.

Which, when you think of it, has always been the point of all this--sometimes being heroic is one foot in front of the other. And sometimes it's being courageous enough to stop behaviors that are unhealthy.

Which brings me to this: Saturday is my runnerversary. In other words, according to Runkeeper, it's when I started running consistently. I doubt very much that I will be able to run by that point. Right now, my WW moments are when I force myself to face my limits and ask for help.

What about you? What makes you heroic? And wouldn't it be nice to have some sort of reminder that heroism is not always big actions but small decisions every day? Like, maybe, a poster by a couple of sisters that has gone viral?

Here you go:
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Now go do something amazing--even if that means telling yourself to rest.

Gall of It All OR I'm Not Dead Yet

I must have sounded pretty bad in my last post because I've gotten a bunch of calls and messages lately. Not complaining at all--I really appreciate the support. When one is recovering, one tends to only be in the moment.

That being said, I feel like I'm finally getting better. I've been using OTC pain killers during the day and prescription at night with tolerable success. Mornings are good, but it does tend to progress during the day. Forgive me for the metaphor, as I have been playing a lot of Elder Sign on my phone, but my monsters tend to come out the closer I get to midnight.

Last time I walked, I did two miles at what is beginning to resemble my usual pace (although, I've noticed that I'm pretty worn out the day after). I've also made some attempts at driving again. I'm figuring out my diet  as well--what I can handle, how much, what I can't.

In other words, it looks like I'm coming back to Normal Life.

I'm not going to pretend that I'm not scared about going back to work. I'm really unsure about my endurance levels, and I know that I'm going to have to be honest about my limits--mostly to myself--and communicate them clearly. Not my strong suit, but I'm going to have to learn. I figure this is the price I pay for getting back to my running self.

In the meantime, I've signed myself up for a couple of really nerdy virtual runs--The Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Fun Run/Walk and the Jedi Challenge Virtual Run--both of which have wicked cool medals. I'm intending on making these some of my first runs, and I would love some folks to join me.

I've also been writing scripts for a monthly vlog feature where I will discuss topics specific to running in costume--the whys, the hows, and toss in a few tutorials. I guess that's what happens when one has some down time to watch the YouTubes.

As they say, dying is easy; living is hard. I've got too many plans yet.

May in Review

Miles Covered: 29.7 miles
5.4 miles walking
24.3 miles running

Halfway to my year goal of 500 miles.



If I were travelling from Bag End to Rivendell, we would have been attacked by the Nazgul (which is oddly appropriate for this month).

Races: 
Texas Flower Country Women's 10K

Reflection:
What can be said about this month? I went from this:

to this: 

I did not plan to spend my time this month in pain and immobility. I feel like I have been shoved back to Square One, and I'm frustrated. I know I have until the end of July before I start training for my 10 miler in September, but I'm still afraid my skill and fitness level will not be ready. If it weren't for this blog, my FB page, and the fact that I've already paid my race fees, I would have probably quit by now.

I suppose the fact that I can shift my attention from pain to thinking about these things is a good sign. I've just got to get my endurance back. Which, of course, takes time.

I just have to remind myself that it's a temporary set-back. I have too many plans and schemes for the summer--including another giveaway.

One foot in front of the other is progress.

The Gall of It All OR Rethinking My Eating

Let's use this WW pony as a  kind of
unicorn chaser for this blog. In other
words, when you see WW Pony,
there is great TMI potential.

Now that I am gall-less (but not guileless), I am forced to face much of my eating habits. While I've gotten better about my food choices, I knew an overhaul would only really come if I were forced into it by a health issue.

Which is now.

The main job of the gallbladder is to help with the digestion of fat. Without it, eating foods with too much fat is like producing my own brand of Olestra. While not holding on to fat seems like a good idea, it may translate into cramps, gas, and diarrhea.*

I've already been eating better for some time now--lean meats, fruits, veggies, whole grains. I got this. It just a matter of making a few right choices, right? Mostly. For example, last Friday, I bypassed an incredibly delicious smelling pizza for a pre-packaged turkey sandwich--which still had 21g fat because of cheese and mayonnaise. I removed the cheese and ended up only having some gas. Similar situation after eating at Sweet Tomatoes; I kept the dressing nonfat, no butter on my single muffin, small cookie.

Key concept for me: moderation and adjustment. Again, reasonable and doable.

Fat runs away from me now, only my results are way less cute.

But at some point this past week, someone mentioned Indian food, and I had a major sad. My most favorite foods are saag paneer and chicken tikka masala--full of heavy cream, cheese, ghee ... I could eat those things in smaller amounts and as long as I am willing to accept the consequences of my body processing this meal. Again, in theory. I tried a small burrito with some cheese and guacamole--what I would consider "moderation"--and ended up spending a good amount of time in a Kroger bathroom. (Thankfully, I have an amusing word search game on my phone.)

Eating is now consistently asking myself, "Is it worth it?"

Thankfully, I do have a personal chef in my Mister who loves these sorts of challenges, and he frequently brings me most tasty foods. There is also the continual benefit that eating this way will continue to translate itself into more weight loss. I've gotten a lot of advice from people who have lived through this; the whole bland diet is pretty temporary until my system sorts itself out. I've adjusted enough to feed my sweet tooth with fruit and graham crackers.

I also know that I need to locate the bathroom wherever we eat.

If I think too hard (which I do), I worry about how I'm going to fuel myself on longer races. I really don't want to become NSFW Regretsy fodder. Then again, I'm going to have to get back to running in the first place (which is a whole other post).

To make things worse, I've been craving ice cream since before my surgery (two weeks ago today). Maybe someday. But I don't think post-race donuts are an option anymore. *cries*

* A more explicit cautionary tale may be found here. 

Gall of It All OR Recovery Plan

Poor dog hasn't been walked for days.

I know that Having a Sad is a normal part of the healing process. Last night I Had a Big Sad--I have been so tired and overwhelmed by many things for some time now, and the act of being still has made me acutely aware of this. I can see this going two ways: either I will wallow in inactivity and depression or I will push myself too fast. Neither is ideal to a long-term recovery.

So naturally I came up with a training plan of sorts for the week:

1. Walk in the morning. Doesn't matter how fast. Doesn't matter how far. But none of this slip on the Crocs stuff. Put on "real" shoes. Put on a race shirt (or something equally inspiring). No more than a half hour.

2. Nap in the afternoon. My doctor said that really it should be no more than 20 minutes, but I went longer today. And if I do, so what.

3. Stop and assess. If I can manage a few chores or do some stuff for work from home, great; but no pushing it. Mind my pain.

4. Ask for help when I need it. I still walk pretty slow, I can only stand for a limited amount of time, and bending is still uncomfortable. Thankfully, I am surrounded by helpful people.

5. Set my limits. Nobody knows how I'm feeling except me. I need to speak up and say no if necessary.

I don't want to sit still, but I can't move too fast. This recovery will be a memory soon enough.

The Gall of It All! OR Home Now

Home now for nearly a week.

As the doctor was signing my release papers, he briefly discussed the pathology of my gallbladder. Huge, yes, that part was explained to me. The doctor mentioned, however, that part of my gallbladder was gangrenous and in the process of dying.

Frightening, the more I think about it ... if it had spread ... if I had gone septic ...

I am very lucky. Or blessed, depending on your worldview. Mostly, I am grateful.

My GPS went wonky. It's probably on the same meds I am.

I've been trying to get a shuffle-walk in each day. It is frustrating not to walk very fast. My core is still tender, and my energy level is still pretty low. I know these will rebuild over time, and I've got to give myself that time.

And, no, I do not recommend this as a weight loss method, but I'm down to 180 lbs. I can see my collar bones again.

I'm not writing coherently (hello, pain killers!). I'm grateful for everyone who has stuck by and kept reading. I hate to lose the momentum even though I'm down for the count--for now.

The Gall of It All! OR Still Here

Cute Chaser for a TMI post

So, this was the original plan:

• Take a week off of running after the 10K. 
• Simplify things to work on sustained running--repeat C25K; some Run, Zombies missions.
• Get a formal tour of my Y's weight training facility so I can get a code to use their electronic program.
• Do some social running, like a Moms Run This Town group or the Kung Fu Running Club

In other words, take a step back, take a big breath, and regain the joy of running before attacking a long-term training plan the end of July.

Well, I got the first one done at least. I am still in the hospital recovering from surgery, but I should be going home tomorrow.

Please do not let these put you off
this most delicious veggie.

I mentioned before that my gallbladder was too large to be removed by conventional means. That's because it was the size of a zucchini. Leaves me to wonder how it was that I didn't know. It didn't seem to affect my running performance. My core work, while minimal, was no more painful than it ought to be. I had occasional cramps when eating beef, but I had stopped eating beef months back for that reason.

 It also makes me wonder about my recovery time had I not spent the last year-plus walking and running consistently. My doctor told me yesterday that she was glad to see that I was always up, sitting, walking, moving; too many of her patients lie there. I remember when I had my c-section, I figured that I was "owed rest." I am aware now that a lot of me getting better depends on me--which means getting up and walking when I really don't want to. (I have the added benefit of not nursing a baby this time around, so bring on the narcotics!)

Mister has been holding down the fort at home. The reality that Mom has been gone longer than normal is beginning to sink in with Miss; she cried some last night at her visit. But my family is amazing in how it copes, and I am beyond grateful to how our Community has wrapped its arms around us.

And, because I'm shallow, I wonder how much weight I have lost. I also got a little wistful seeing a news report on a run that I had been considering. I do feel a million times better, however, after being able to shower, wash my hair, and shave. I am still a little afraid of eating, but I feel better after doing so.

Recovery is going to take some time. I need to remember not to rush it.

On a positive note, I woke up Friday morning to the random joy of over 200 followers on my Facebook page. Turns out that I was part of Women Races list of 100 Motivating Endurance Facebook Pages. I follow a ton of the other pages, and it's a honor to be ranked among them. Or to be considered motivating in the first place.

It's going to be slow, but every step counts.

The Gall of It All! OR How Not to Rest After a Race

You know I TMI. Your fault if you keep reading.

So, after my 10K triumph (and my not-mimosa-getting non-triumph), we went back to the hotel. Mister took  Miss out to the pool while I showered and rested a bit. I felt off, but nothing really specific. I had just punished my body for an hour and a half, so this is probably all expected.

Walked to lunch. Got a chicken caesar salad. Miss fell asleep at the table (none of us had slept super well). Started to feel bad. I occasionally get bad stomach cramps when I eat beef, which I just thought was changing enzymes in my stomach; felt like that, only the pain never really stopped. Sent Mister and Miss to the pool, hoping to sleep it off. Still too much in pain for dinner. Picked at a Subway sandwich. Downed lots of water and Gatorade. Probably really stupid lack of hydration on my part. Had I been home, I would have asked to be sent to the ER. But the logistics hurt my brain. Tried to sleep it off.

Still not feeling great in the morning. Tried a bland breakfast. Threw up in the bushes outside. Several times. Felt marginally better and was able to eat toast and yogurt. Made a stop at the Texas Capitol Building because we had promised Miss that we would. Couldn't manage the walking around. Slept most of the ride home (as did Miss). Attempted a little soup. Made a doctor's appointment for the morning. Worst. Mother's. Day. Ever.

Monday, still in pain. Saw the doctor. He made the conservative call of food poisoning (although I couldn't figure it). He asked if I wanted to do bloodwork. I said yes. Tried toast. Tried applesauce. Still hurt to eat.

Tuesday, doc calls that the levels for my liver, pancreas, and kidneys are fine. My white blood cell count, however, was very high. I was to come in on Wednesday for more tests, and call him that day if it got worse. It got worse--stabbing pain in my right side. I called him, and he sent me to the ER.

In ER, recommended to have an ultrasound of the gallbladder. First, they gave me some aaaaawwwweeessssooommmmeeee pain killers. (I told Mister that this was his Golden Moment to record me saying something and animate it later.) Good thing, because I got one of those Benign Looking Creatures Who Is Really Evil as a technician. She would ask me to hold my breath, and then be so concentrated on getting that image that she would forget I was holding my breath. Or she would suddenly say, "Stop breathing!" Bottom line: I ain't no ultrasound super model.

Turns out my gallbladder was full of stones and had to come out.

Several hour wait for a room to open up at St. Luke's Episcopal Hospital. Fun ambulance ride (like riding in the way-way back of a station wagon, only with more straps). Shared room, but night by myself. Surgery in the morning.

Post surgery glamour shot

No, not morning, I found out on Wednesday, because my surgeon's docket was already pretty full. Most likely late afternoon. Mister, you stay home, do some chores, come later. No, wait, Mister, I was just told I'm going in 10 minutes; surgery should be 45 minutes, recovery an hour, see you at 3PM.

Surgery took longer, though, Gallbladder was too big to be removed laparoscopically ...lap ... that rabbit-like word using normal procedures. I had to be opened up. Which means longer (and more painful) recovery. And probably better scar.

So, I'm recovering in my hospital room now. I've walked a couple times because I'm spooked about having an air bubble in my shoulder like I did after my C-section (painful muther, that). I'm also allowed to have clear liquids rather than just ice chips (as much as I do love chewing ice). I have not farted yet because you asked ... no, wait, that's the nurse.

So, yeah, no running for a little bit. My next paid-for race is in July (virtual 5K through Katy's Moms Run This Town). And a biggie end of September; I expect I will be recovered fully long before then..

And I do not ... DO NOT ... endorse this method as post-race rest, weight loss methodology, or pursuing time off from work. They've got these automated compression cuffs on my calves, though, that are pretty rocking.

More updates as I know.